Voice Recognition

If the Enterprise had voice recognition

All Star Trek fans know the voice-activated computer on the USS Enterprise, especially Jean-Luc Picard's famous "Earl Grey, hot" request for tea. But what if the Enterprise was equipped with voice-recognition software based on current technology?

PICARD: Computer.

COMPUTER: [chirp] Welcome to the USS Enterprise Voice Recognition System. If you know the extension of the person you'd like to call, please say it now. For environmental changes, please say "environment." For access to records and documents, please say "records." For entertainment options, please say "entertainment." For
information on ship systems and diagnostics, please say, diagnostics." For the replicator, please say "replicator." For--

PICARD: Replicator.

COMPUTER: You said "diagnostics." Is that correct?

PICARD: No.

COMPUTER: You said, "No." Is that correct?

PICARD: Yes.

COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again. For environmental changes, please say "environment." For--

PICARD: Replicator.

COMPUTER: You said "replicator." Is that correct?

PICARD: Yes.

COMPUTER: Thank you. Please state what you would like to replicate.

PICARD: Earl Grey, hot.

COMPUTER: You said, "Whirled whey in a pot." Is that correct?

PICARD: What? No.

COMPUTER: You said, "No." Is that correct?

PICARD: Yes.

COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again.

PICARD: Earl Grey, hot.

COMPUTER: You said, "Pearl day, shot." Is that correct?

PICARD: No.

COMPUTER: You said, "No." Is that correct?

PICARD: Yes.

COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again.

PICARD: Earl...Grey...hot.

COMPUTER: You said, "Girl gay, hot." I'm sorry, but we cannot replicate human beings. If you wish female companionship, please visit our lounge, Ten-Forward.

PICARD: I didn't say "girl gay," blast you.

COMPUTER: I'm sorry. Please state your request again.

PICARD: Oh, for heaven's sakes. Look, I want a cup of Earl Grey tea. And make it hot.

COMPUTER: You said, "Zero-four Blevin's rakes hook a font couple Curly May pee and naked hot." Is that correct?

PICARD: Oh, forget it. I'll just use a teapot.

-Brother Admiral

Founder of Australian Swat Team

General Brother Admiral
Australian SWAT Team
HeadQuarters Australia

Men are at war with each other because each man is at war with himself. ~Francis Meehan